Feel Your Fire, Just try not to Burn the Village While You’re at it
An ENT once told me working mothers were the cause of antibiotic resistance. Comments like these are the gifts that we receive often from strangers that catapult us into our future selves. Due to his ridiculously insensitive comment, I ended up walking away from my 6-figure career.
This was my second child with ear tubes, thrust into the daycare system with no reprieve from sickness, because we were two working parents in jobs that were insensitive to the concept of work/life balance.
Much has changed in 7 years. The pandemic helped open our eyes to the cost of women leaving the workforce. We’re seeing what some refer to as the ‘shecession’, referring to the staggering reduction of women in the workforce. As a result, female contributions will hopefully be more appreciated as we move into new ways of doing things, from business to household domestic arts.
What that doctor didn’t know was that I’d spent my previous 10 years working in a global industry where my sole responsibility was to help combat antibiotic resistance, the very thing he was accusing me of contributing to. This experience with such palpable anger took my life down a different path than the one I was currently walking.
It is said that anger is a secondary emotion. It can be such a helpful opportunity to learn how to delve into what the primary emotion fueling the anger may be. Bypassing it right off the bat is unhelpful.
Gerry Boyland recently shared a talk at Unity of Louisville about peace. He said that when we see war, we have to recognize it lives within us first. Until we find peace within, we’re going to play out these violent acts in real life.
So the overarching question for us all is this: how do we build our capacity to be with our anger without creating more violence?
I continued to listen to the doctors, the CEOs, to society, and remain the cog in the wheel doing just what appeared to be the right next step without ever bothering to check in with myself and ask, does this fit?
Much of this came with the unconscious desire to not see where I was placing my priorities. My actions were reinforced by promotions, new homes; the American dream. By so many American standards I was doing life right.
In all things, awareness and acceptance are key to healing and growth.
When that doctor made that statement to me, I called into work to spend the time with my babies and listen for guidance.
Over the next few weeks, I started to wonder, does he have a point?
We were in a situation where we’d just bought our forever home but couldn’t keep our babies from getting sick. We were prioritizing our financial health over our actual health.
So I did the only thing I could think to do: I walked away from that career entirely with the full understanding it may mean losing our home. With an awareness of the risk it took to do this alongside the privilege that allowed it, we chose to sacrifice our material wealth to regain some of our holistic wealth.
Oftentimes, those people who make us the angriest, are offering us our greatest gifts. Even if anger is a secondary emotion, there is valuable information there for us to explore. We mustn’t project our anger onto others, and it takes intentional practice around awareness and self-control. This may be the most important part of getting intimate with it.
There is beauty on the other side. Since that time, my husband and I have juggled jobs and kids and built businesses and careers, while bringing greater awareness to where our energy flows. We’ve leaned on community support and each other and slowly made our way back to all forms of abundance available to us.
Because I dared to feel into my anger instead of using it to burn down the village.
What insight does your fire have for you and where is the perimeter to feel it safely?
